“I was looking at attending a women’s retreat and applied to be a speaker.”
That’s the first sentence of a Facebook post I started to write.
Then I heard a whisper…“Don’t share this, someone’s gonna ask if they accepted you, you’re gonna have to admit ‘No,’ then you’re going to feel ashamed.”
Now you know how my head works.
After ALL the years of my mindset work, my ego sneaks in dressed as fear and expresses itself as self-doubt, negativity, and prediction of a shame experience.
I hadn’t even heard back from the retreat organizers and already my ego was telling me they didn’t want me.
I stopped typing for a second before I realized it was just my poor little ol’ ego feeling afraid because I’m doing something new, going bigger, and getting more visible.
Your ego is an ingrained pattern of thinking, a habit actually, that you’ve gotten used to. That’s why it’s usually hard to notice it acting up. Until after it does. Well, until after you adhere to its admonitions. Just like how you start the coffee pot in the morning or light the tea kettle without thinking and with only one eye open.
How to Stop the Fear Mongering
The first task I had to accomplish when I wanted to stop my ego’s fear mongering was become aware it was happening in the first place.
I was so beyond tired of realizing my ego’s tactics after the fact and having to clean up the mess I’d made after blindly abiding by my ego’s instructions.
This is what to do:
>Each time you become aware of what your ego has said to you, no matter how long afterwards, assess how long the time took between you listening to your ego and your awareness – 3 months, 3 weeks, 3 days, or 3 minutes?
>Think back on this time lapse and find specific moments when you were blindly responding solely from your ego
>Imagine how you would act, feel, or think differently in those moments if you hadn’t been controlled by your ego and was in a more mindful place
Bonus tip = Journaling all of this each time it happens will be more enlightening for you than simply thinking about it in your head.
This practice will increase your ego awareness. And therefore your mindfulness.
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (love that movie)
When you start working on observing your ego, you might think it’s getting louder and more powerful. It’ll seem to be everywhere all the time.
Actually, it’s not your ego getting larger, it’s your awareness increasing – progress!
Over time (and practice), your ego’s commands will decrease and your ability to respond in a more mindful way will increase.
What to Do with Your Bratty Ego
No matter how long the time is in between your ego talking and your awareness of it, this is what to do after you’ve become cognizant of your ego talking:
>Call it what it is – fear, ego, scarcity mindset, self-doubt – and respond with the truth (out loud or written down is better than just doing this in your head)
>Observe what your ego has said, thank it for trying to protect you, and send it on its merry way
>Tell your new story of confidence, genuineness, faith, trust in yourself (one way to do this is by using affirmations)
>Share honestly and exactly what this struggle was (yes, share your story with someone!)
The ways I help clients whose egos say fearful, negative stuff is not only by using the methods and strategies shown to bring results to other clients who were desperate for help in silencing their egos, but by sharing my personal story of how it also happens to me and what I do about it.
Surrender the Battle with Your Ego
I used to be at war with my ego every moment.
Now it’s infrequent. And doesn’t last as long. And it doesn’t take me that far down.
When you put in the effort to change, you’ll start responding differently when your ego’s trying to “take you down.”
And you’ll rarely call it a war, a struggle, or a battle anymore.
You’ll literally have an (almost) immediate awareness of the lies your head is telling you. (I would have given anything for this when I first became aware of the mindset work I needed to do.)
Mindset growth doesn’t happen by osmosis. It just takes attention, diligence, and repetitive practice.
Invest the time and energy into your mindset work because it will be the foundation of your biz.
When you’re able to be an observer of your ego, you’ll see that when you listen to it, you play small and become resistant to taking calculated risks that would otherwise skyrocket you to your goals and dreams.
For instance, when boss babes pay too much attention to their ego’s fears, they waste too much time in Facebook groups reading posts about how to do live videos instead of confidently doing a live video themselves. What happens is that the high-paying client hires the visible coach doing the videos, not the coach hiding in the shadows, reading others’ posts.
What Happens When You Choose Mindfulness
When you consciously observe your ego and choose to not mindlessly obey it:
*You shut down your limiting beliefs, step into your power, and are able to lead your clients in the direction they need to go
*You create newer, bolder stories that continually increase your ability to fearlessly stand out, go bigger, and show up truer to yourself
In that way, you’re more in control of your business and your life, and you can help your clients that much more.
We only take our clients as far as we’ve gone ourselves.
I help female coaches and healers attain a CEO mindset and fearlessly share their story, so they stand out from the crowd, attract ideal clients, and make their desired impact.
My clients learn how to use their own healing stories to create their purpose-driven, successful business. One key to their success is becoming an observer of their ego and increasing their mindfulness.
Click here to send me an email with any comments or questions
Coaching is not mentoring, consulting, or advice-giving.
Coaching is collaborative.
Together, the two of you come up with new ways to approach obstacles, so you can immediately start seeing success on your chosen goals.
Once you shine the light on why you’re overgiving, your behavior will start to change.
When you start to learn the why underneath your overgiving, you’ll start to see yourself and your relationships in a different, better light.
What’s keeping you from being more productive in your biz?
One of the biggest reasons biz owners aren’t more productive is distractibility.
We all get distracted, but when we’re spending more time focused on what happened in the past, what might happen in the future, or what Coach Sally said in her Facebook video, our biz productivity goes way down.
When you let your life be run by fear, there’s no way you can get the courage you need to be the successful person deep down that you dream of being.
I didn’t want to be a fraud anymore, I didn’t want to pretend I had confidence, I no longer wanted to live a double life!
I thought I was forever stuck in that place of sucky relationships, a job I loathed, constantly being 15 lbs overweight and living on quesadillas, and never having enough money to do anything or go anywhere or buy anything except for paying the most important bills.
Don’t wait for others to tell you to take time for yourself! That’s a decision you have to make. Preferably today! Should you stop caring for others? I’m not saying stop taking care of others. Just look for small ways to carve out time for yourself.